Snow Drifts
by kind-of-heart
Summary: Remembering the past isn't always easy, and Jack knows this better than most people. And yet, he still can't help but leap at the chance to know who he was for all those years he can't remember on his own. Some how, he just knows that this won't end well.
1. Chapter 1

Pitch had long been driven back to the shadows that had devoured him, and all around Jack was celebration of another successful victory that would keep the Boogeyman at bay for centuries to come. But there was another reason to celebrate, what with Jack being an official Guardian now and all. Mugs of eggnog and hot chocolate were precariously being carried by scurrying elves, and all of Santoff Clausen seemed alive with joy, hope, and wonder. Jack watched it all from his perch in the rafters of the workshop, preferring to be an observer.

A voice called out to Jack, and he turned to it smiling. Toothiana, a fellow Guardian now, had taken to him like a long lost mother after they had rode off on North's sleigh. She pulled him into a quick embrace and asked him why he was up there when there was a party being held down below. Jack brushed off the slightly concerned look she had and tried explaining that he liked seeing all the fun going on better than awkward banter between spirits he'd never met before.

Tooth caught a glimmer in his eyes and fluttered down next to him, a gentle hand reaching for his. "Jack? Is there something wrong?"

He turned his head away from her with a faint imitation of a smile. "I'm just not used to all the attention. It's weird, after all these years of living alone with the wind. Plus… Never mind," he muttered. Tooth's feathers bristled, sensing that something was wrong, and she reached to brush his cheek.

"Jack, if there's anything troubling you at all, I promise you can trust me to listen. We all care about you, and even if we weren't there in the past, we're here now for you." Her voice carried something from the depths of Jack's mind, a memory long repressed, and suddenly he felt like he couldn't hide anything from her. A mother has eyes in the back of her head after all. There was an ache in his chest as he turned toward her, his expression mirroring that of one, much younger than he had ever been as a spirit, deep in the thralls of pain.

There was hesitation in his voice as he spoke. "Your teeth collections… Can they hold all the memories of childhood?" He was scared of the answer, not sure what would disappoint him more.

Tooth sat up, her eyes going wide as she thought for a brief moment. It felt like an eternity to Jack. "I suppose so. I can't see why they shouldn't hold everything. Normally they stop recording them after a child stops actively believing, but they're always there as reminders of all of their childhood, good or bad. Why?" Her hand goes for his again, but this time he gently pulls it out of her grasp.

Jack fiddled with his staff as his gaze migrated to the bustling party below. "I just… want to know who I was, before I was a Guardian, or a spirit of winter, or any of it. I have to know, Tooth." He got up and started walking along a beam, as if on a tightrope in a circus.

One of Tooth's fairies drifted up from below and started chirping feverously in her ear, reminding her of what had motivated Jack only a few nights ago to dive into Pitch's lair. A smile spread itself across her face, taking place of her frown as she realized that she could easily make her new friend happy once more- at least she hoped- by giving him his memories direct from the source itself. Tooth flew down past the celebration, seeking out North to ask him if she could use one or two of his teleportation snow globes, as she knew he had plenty of them lying around, but wanted to be back as quickly as possible. He agreed and shared a knowing look with the excited Guardian.

She raced to her palace of teeth and memories, darting around legions of fairies and hanging structures that seemed to go on forever. Heading toward the older North American section of her stores and suggesting places for eager fairies in her wake, Tooth searched through the faces inscribed onto the front of the cylinders. She wondered if his hair and eyes were natural, as they were with some humans. But then, one of the teeth cases from three hundred odd years old leapt into her vision and she raced toward it. The coloring was more vibrant and…alive, than Jack was. But the features and expression on it left her with no doubt in her mind that this was the one she needed.

The queen grabbed it and with the remaining globe, teleported back to the Pole, sending a few words of encouragement to the cluster of lieutenants taking her place for the time being. She tried not to be too obvious flitting up the rafters again in anticipation of what Jack's face would look like. As she reached the full height of the workshop, she saw him wandering around one of the upper halls, its walls decorated to the nines in Christmas themed garlands and wreaths despite the calendar season. She called out to him and hovered in front of him, holding out the cylinder.

"It wasn't too hard to find," she emphasized. "I hope you find what you're looking for, Jack." He smiled softly up at her and thanked her.

"You don't think the others would mind if I went and looked these over alone, do you? Last time I did, it was a pretty strong experience, and also kind of embarrassing." A light coating of frost dusted his cheeks in the winter spirit's form of a blush and Toothiana chuckled quietly. She watched as he tucked the case into the front pocket of his hoodie.

"Take all the time you need, but try to be back here soon. You won't want to miss North's stories once he loosens up a bit, trust me. They're definitely worth it once you get past the thick accent he gets." The wink she gave him after that suggested some mischief only she was aware of, and it strengthened the smile on Jack's face. He reached up and hugged her waist, quickly letting go. As Jack slid out a window to meet the Wind's embarrass, Tooth watched over him before she went back to finally rejoin the festivities, laughing as one of the spirits tripped over an elf.

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A/N: First fanfic I've actually done in a while, so bear with me. I've got plenty more planned out, but not written. It won't leave my head, so there will probably be weekend updates if I do write it out. My tumblr, kind-of-heart, will be the first place I will upload chapters.


	2. Chapter 2

Flying through the air was comforting, familiar. It was never as cold as others seemed to think. The Wind was a constant companion to Jack, and always knew where to lead him to best suit whatever mood he may be in at the time. Jack may have ridden the Wind, but it certainly owned him, at least partially. But right now Jack needed to be alone, and so, the wind took him to the one place no one ever took from him: the lake.

While admittedly lacking a nice, thick coating of ice due to the season in that area of the country, the surrounding area was still breathtaking covered in the last glimmers of frost. Carefully sitting down on a nice cold spot near the lake, Jack took out the golden cylinder holding nearly all of his human memories. His breath shook as he glanced at the small painting on it. "Not a whole lot to wait for now," he muttered, gently placing his fingers on the case and letting his eyes closed as his memories drifted over him.

Jack watched as his father slide on a wet patch of earth, giggling as the berries he had collected scattered. Getting up from his small perch, Jack climbed down and rushed over to him, asking if he wanted help picking the small, round fruits up. The man chuckled deep in his chest and mussed Jack's hair up as he handed the pail to him, the child's small fingers much more adapt at not crushing the berries that had begun to grow early in the season.

Later that year, Jack would start to learn the joy of having a little sibling to play with. As the two children grew, and Jack was expected to take on more responsibilities, more and more it seemed that the boy would grow bored and start playing games with whatever his chore was. He could turn wrangling sheep into their pen into an obstacle course, or a race, or helping gather apples in the fall into showing off how well he could climb to the other children. Jack's only true aim was always to please.

This was especially true in regards to his sister.

Every moment he could, he was at her side. There seemed to never be a moment when he wasn't talking about her if he had to be dragged away. He would weave tales of heroes and princesses fighting side by side against evil, acting out all the parts but one, leaving his sister to fill in his magical story. They always managed to have a new story on the tip of their tongues, and their parents often sat next to the bed of Jack's sister, waiting to hear what new adventures they would go on next in their minds.

That was the only place they could go. The forest was a dangerous place for a 16 year old and a seven year old, and even worse when one of them could barely get out of bed. Some days, the little girl didn't.

He tried giving everything he had to her, his time, his food, being the best brother he could be to her, all in hopes that one year, she would recover from whatever had her in its aching grasp. It seemed like a miracle had happened when her fever broke, her strength returning steadily to her, every day feeling better than the last in the whole house. The whole town, although, rejoiced at the sight of the small girl wandering through houses and around trees with her brother. It was the best day of both their lives. For one, it was also the last.

It had been silent out in the woods besides their laughter and the sliding of new blades on ice. Then, a sickening crack cut through the air and both of them stopped dead in their tracks.

"Jack! I'm scared!" The fear in her eyes was the only thing that drove him to push past his own and smile for her sack.

"Don't- don't be scared. It's going to be alright." He tried to reassure her that the growing break was not going to open up and suck her into darkness. He thought that if he could look back, he might have been talking to himself at the same time.

"No it's not!" He scoured the ground for something- anything that would save his darling sister from any harm.

"Would I play a trick on you?" The cracks below both of their feet were slowly growing wider, each inch gained leaving a disheartening snap in the air.

"Yes! You always play tricks!" Out of the corner of his eye, he saw it- the staff his father made him bring with them. He claimed that it saved his life on more than one occasion, and Jack prayed with all his soul that it can save another.

"W-well not this time, I promise. We're going to have a little fun instead." There was a gleam of hope in both of their eyes. "We'll play hopscotch, just like we do every day." She had grown to like it quickly once she could get up and around.

"It's just as easy as one…" A crack jammed ice into his foot and he tried his best to ignore it. "Two…" He was almost there. "Three!" Grabbing the crook, he twisted in his hands and held it out toward her. "Now it's your turn. One…"

Her foot shifted and her head jerked up as the ice widened right beneath her. "Two…" The sheppard's son refused to lose her, not when he had just gotten her back.

"Three!"

A jerk, a roll, and a second later, they have switched spots unknowingly. A smile started to rise on both of their faces, but then a pit dropped in Jack's stomach and he was cold, and choking on nothing. He could see his hands in front of him as he tried pushing against the water, but to no avail. Feeling his throat clench up as he started to feel numb and light headed, he knew that he had sacrificed himself in order for her to live.

He promised himself that in whatever world came after this one, he would never regret it.

Water rushed into his mouth as his eyes closed, and the bright light of the early moon bid him farewell.

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A/N: Wrote this up quicker than expected. Enjoy your heart break.


	3. Chapter 3

Never before in his life had Jack Frost wanted so badly to feel the chill of air passing down his throat. He gasped greedily as he pushed away from the large pond where he had spent his last moments alive. The weight of it shook him to his core- he was in all essence dead. No pulse, no warmth, nothing could set him apart from a cadaver except the occasional breath to speak. He hadn't even realized it, but that had been a luxury in past years.

Jack pulled up his legs to his chest, and tried to focus on maintaining a normal rate for breathing, but he couldn't stop sucking in air like he'd never going to get it again. A choked noise passed in his throat and before he even realized it, he was shaking as if chilled to the bone. This had only happened once before to the winter spirit, and that was a long time ago with the discovery of his invisibility. It felt like there was an ache in his chest that the slightest movement would upset.

It took him minutes before he noticed a small flutter of color pass through his vision repeatedly. The back of his mind wondered if it was a forest animal out hunting, but that seemed highly unlikely as it was the dead of night by then, and nocturnal creatures tended to be muted in coloring. It was the small, and the animal made repeated squeaks before he realized it was one of Tooth's fairies, and Baby Tooth at that, judging by the feather at the top of her head. She immediately flew toward his cheek once she saw his head was up, and started to nuzzle and prod him repeatedly. Her touch brought Jack out of a trance, and he hesitated before lightly patting her head with one finger.

Jack wondered how long he had been out on the edge of the lake. Time had seemed to have moved rapidly while he was in his memories, and seeing a lifetime's worth had messed up his internal clock.

A flash of light burst behind Jack and Baby Tooth, causing them both to rush up in alarm into the trees. Baby Tooth chirped as she recognized her caretaker, and flew over to join her and relay where Jack was hiding. He was tense enough from the sudden onslaught of emotions that he had a hard time focusing on the four shapes below him. They were too bright to be in the forest at this time of night, except one.

"Jack!" A high and low voice called up to him at the same time as a tiny tinkle of bells rang through the air. The boy glanced down and sighed with relief when he recognized their voices. He hopped down from the branch he had been perched on to join them, a forced and practiced smile on his face as he tried to convince himself that now was not the time to have a freak out in front of anyone. The smile faded as he felt a tug on his hoodie and a small golden man hugged his legs. It reminded Jack so much of that hug Jamie had given him at their last meeting. The Sandman likely knew what Jack was feeling, as he was able to read people better than anyone else in the world. He knew their dreams, and he knew when they were lying.

Toothiana looked to him with concern as he noticed that the small trails of frost serving as tears had not gone away, or even stopped being made once he was down from the tree. In fact, it felt to Jack that there was no point in trying to keep up appearances anymore. A hiccup shoved its way out of him as he crumbled to the ground and enveloped Sanderson in a crushing hug that served to stabilize the shifting and tumbling world around Jack. Frost grew on his cheeks faster than he could wipe it away as he buried his face into the shoulder of the small man. Jack shook like one of the leaves he shooed away at the start of winter.

A pair of large arms wrapped around the duo as Jack's grip on Sandy tightened, since he would not let himself lose someone again so soon, even as the group travelled via portal to the North Pole. He clutched to the Sandman like a child took comfort in a favorite stuffed animal after a bad dream. He had to know he was there. And what better comfort from a self imposed nightmare was there?

Sweet dreams drifts at the edges of Jack's eyes before he's limp save the tight hand around his staff. His eyes didn't close- he simply felt lethargic and safe. His breathe evened out as they travelled through the workshop, but Sandy could feel that one detail that scared him- The lack of breathing in the chest he was laying on once Jack had calmed down completely.

They push hot chocolate onto him once they reach North's office, begging him to drink the luke warm beverage that was steadily dropping in temperature the longer he held it. Jack shook as he recalled the horrifying last moments of his past life. "It was so dark, and so cold, and it _hurt._" Tooth draped a blanket over him, worrying about the effect of the roaring fire feet away from the winter spirit.

"I couldn't even move, I was just stuck there until I blacked out…" Jack murmured. Sandy sat on the couch next to him, trying his best not to fall asleep on them. Jack sipped hesitantly at the drink in his hands, and finding it not to have any immediate ill effects, continued to slowly sip at it while he softly spoke.

There was a stabbing feeling in his gut, and then he was up at the edge of the office, collapsed on the floor with his head disappearing in a nearby trash can. North rushed over to the boy, but halted in his steps as he became aware of the sloshing noises that Jack was emitting, very unlike those of your average puking spree. The large man slowly neared Jack, cautious about seeing how he was doing.

The boy looked paler than the snow, and the bin was filled with what looked to be murky water, the only sign it had been hot cocoa at one point was the light brown color. Jack was clutching his stomach as he rested his head against the cool plastic.

Three Guardians inched towards him carefully, glancing to each other at Jack's lack of ragged breath that his actions would have left most people with. Sandy nodded to Tooth when she looked at him with questions in her eyes. "Jack?" she called. They cringed as his chest rose only to let out a quiet groan. Tooth carefully slipped her arms around the boy, slowly carrying him back to where he had been sitting moments before.

His friends surrounded him and whispered soothing words to him. He glanced up around the room, and gave a disheartened sigh when there was no gray body there in the room. Of course he would find him weak, and get sickened at the sight of him reacting to something he couldn't help. It only made sense after all- who would want to see a winter spirit gushing water because of how they had died? But still, it wasn't his fault for having to refuse every scrap of food and drink in order to stop that from happening. Jack just couldn't understand why he had said yes, and now look where he was.

The others didn't care sure.

But they weren't the ones he had to make it up to. To prove that he wasn't worth hating.

Jack closed his eyes and let the frost form on his face silently.

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A/N: Thank you to everyone who favorited, followed, or reviewed. I hope to start being more consistent with updates, but it is entirely dependant on my homework load each night whether I can find the time to write out chapters.


	4. Chapter 4

He hated running away, from his problems and from enemies. Aster wasn't sure which this was. But he knew that it hurt less than having to see the hopelessness on Jack's face, the pain that the boy had gone through over the years showing in his tired eyes. As much as he wanted to be there for Jack, there was only so much Aster could take before he started feeling out things that were beyond what he could normally handle emotionally speaking, and crying frost spirits were one of those things.

Sucking in warm air after who knows how many hours of waiting at the Pole for Jack to become coherent enough to explain where he'd gone off to, Aster sank onto the humid ground of the Warren, relishing in the soft brush of the grass against his fur. He knew he'd have to go back soon and help the others with damage control, as much as he hates calling it that when it's Jack of all people, but really he has to be honest with himself in his own mind if at all. Jack had been badly hurt, by him and others in his past, and they have now to make it up for it.

Aster knew that kid deserved so much more than being stuck frozen in time with no one by his side. And even if it ended up hurting himself, Aster wanted to help that kid get used to having people to rely on, to not have to simply deal with being alone.

* * *

Jack, Tooth, and Sandy were piled on one of the larger couches, with Tooth resting Jack's head on her lap and Sandy snuggled up to Jack. North was watching the three of them from across the room, closer to the fireplace in one of his favorite chairs. He was just as worried as the rest of the Guardians, trying to think of ways to break Jack out of the monotonous stare he had with the wood that lined the floor. The wind beat against the windows, almost like it was trying to get in and join in comforting Jack, but alas, the hold against it North had built long ago was too strong. It whined and smacked itself against the pane, trying to call up the tenacity it was known for the world over.

Along with the wind was the ice, and the snow, and they joined in the winds efforts to call their friend back out to them so they could all play together and make the child happy like they had done for so many years. They were all each other had after all, right? The simple spirits were causing chaos outside of the Pole, and as North looked outside into the dark he thanked MiM that Christmas and his holidays across the world weren't anytime soon.

A presence radiated through the air of the workshop, and in an instant Tooth was on her feet, with North quickly behind her, ready to protect against whatever was lurking at the Pole. But to their surprise, a wave like ripple travelled through the air until it reached the fireplace, far from where Jack was still resting. From it appeared a woman finely dressed in green with long dark hair and a cloak that seemed to blend into the grains of the wooden floor as well as hide her face.

The woman crouched near the fire, holding her hands out to it much the same way Aster did when he was chilled from leaping through the snow to reach the Workshop. The Guardians remained tense, for although she was not outright attacking them, she was obviously very powerful if she had gotten through North's defenses with no alarm. It wasn't until she stood that a collective gasp escaped their mouths (and a bell of recognition for Sandy) at the realization of who exactly stood before them.

Mother Nature nodded toward the reverent faces of the younger Guardians as she walked purposefully over to Jack and began to pet his hair much like Toothiana had been doing earlier. His head immediately lifted and his arms grappled around her hips covered in green from their spot around Sandy. Jack would likely have snapped his neck looking up at her again when she spoke his name if he did not have it pinned to her already.

"Jack, dear, what is troubling you? The spirits who follow you are growing agitated and concerned for your safety." Her eyes were dark but vaguely iridescent like the rest of her, and Jack couldn't help but smile softly after looking into them. Sandy floated off the couch and waved to Mother Nature; while she was a Spirit of Nature, she was as ancient and powerful as he was, if not more so.

The winter boy mumbled the truth to his overseer in the ancient language of the winds, as he didn't think the others could handle it. He gently whispered about regaining his memories of his family, and of the horrifying moments before his slow death. Jack tells her how the pressure of suddenly being chosen as a Guardian weighed on him and how Pitch had wounded him by breaking his staff in a way he didn't think was possible before.

Mother Nature thought about what he said for a moment, her eyes never losing the warmth they seemed to have that Jack knew he was drawn to because he could never feel it any other way. She pulled Jack upright on the couch and sat next to him. "You have to tell them yourself, Jack," she said reassuringly with her hand on his.

Tooth flitted nervously over to him, worry and concern evident in her expression. "Tell us what Jack?" Jack glanced up at her and sighed in defeat. There was no way he could deny a request from Nature herself. It might even make him feel better about it, but there was a clawing in his gut that screamed this was a bad idea.

"When I looked through my memories, it didn't focus on what had been good in my life, what was a part of who I am now. It seemed more focused on every other part, the part that had molded me into what I was then- a stubborn, stupid kid who loved his sister too much to say no." Jack rested his staff against the crutch in his elbow as he rubbed at the bags under his eyes. Looking up to see expecting, but supported gazes all veered on him caused a little jolt somewhere, but Jack tried to smother it and go on as Mother Nature rubbed his back understandingly.

"My sister and I were going to go ice skating that day. It had just officially become winter, but snow had been on the ground for weeks already so we thought that the small pond near our cabin would be solid enough to skate on that day. For a while it was, but then…" Here, Jack stopped to take a deep breath wondering if it was worth it to go on through such painful, yet uplifting memories, because while he had died, he had also saved his sister and created for himself a purpose for a new life. The others put the pieces together on their own, and hung their head in shame of not being able to save a child.

Quickly rising, Jack ran out a window, wanting to sort out his thoughts for himself. North, Tooth, and Sandy all watched him leave, but no one made a motion to go after him. They knew that painful events needed time alone to heal sometimes, but they promised themselves that they would be there for Jack when he needed them.

Turning their attention to Mother Nature, the Guardians were shocked once more to find that she had seemed to vanish from the room, only staying long enough to push Jack into a certain direction. It was only the way she was, but it still made them all have an uncertain feeling about how the boy would be handling himself alone in the rapidly forming blizzard outside the Pole's walls.

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A/N: So! This took waaaaay longer than it should have. Sorry about that. But! New chapter right? And the longest one yet. Thanks for reading.


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